Sunday, 13 December 2015

Everything Has A Beginning

So we are moving house.  Under normal circumstances this would just be something we are doing.  As it is we are actually buying a condo.  Yaaay fam.  We are moving up.  We have more space so instead of filling it with are crap we are actually sorting through everything and only keeping what we need.  Result: we will have more space and less stuff.  Say what.  But I digress.  Me being the seven day a week working adult I have only seen the place once.  Yup once since we began this process way back in September.  Honestly I threw out what I wanted should the others deem anything else trash worthy... whatever. Chuck it.  Only bother me if it's totally not clear if it's junk.

So I came home two days ago to find an envelope with my name on it, opened and inside, the first copy ever of my first book.  I did the whole poor mans copyright thing and naturally someone must've opened it to ascertain if the contents were indeed trash.  All 400 plus standard size printer paper of it.  Date stamped Jan 2nd t=2004.  Yup before we hit the 10's.  It's kind of surreal to look at this book, no longer available for sale, and think about how far I've come.  I was going to write far but theoretically, until this year I've sold the same on all my books.  Zip.  This year in order to sell some books of my last book for that matter not the newest one, I had to go 99cents in kindle select, and then my second batch came after spending 100 on their adds.  So ultimately I sunk myself further in the hole on this book, and it's my most successful book to date, I think in total in the past two to three years this one book may have hit around 45 sales or so making me I dunno somewhere around half of that maybe just over half.  Which add's up too, still a few thousand to go to make my money back, just on this one book.  I've published six so, yeah.

Did I feel good looking at this.  Ecstatic.  I'm already re-plotting the entire novel in my head.  The book has all the makings of awesome without even being okay.  Yeah it's that bad and potential isn't good enough for a good book.  It was definitely mixed emotions because for this book i did a tv interview an entire spread in the news paper, in color for that matter, and I pimped myself out to every and any body.  Not an easy task for an introvert.  I kid you not I pushed this book more than any of my books.  And all of them garnered the same sales success, 15 or so or less.  

People stopped me on the street, congratulated me, oh it's nice to see our young black men this, and keep up the good work, and aren't you that author guy, and so on and so forth.  And zip in sales.  Even eleven years ago all mouth and no action.  And everyone even today still wants a book for free.  I just want to burrow it so I can read it, I'll give it back... this is what they say to me.  It's infuriating.  But you know what.  I did feel really good about the fact that even though with each book I've gotten more depressed and consider quitting with more conviction and yet somehow have plowed on through.  Even when I see other indie authors well over 30 reviews and I'm offering up free books losing count of the review blogs that have turned me down or just flat out ignored me, and just the overwhelming feeling no one wants to read my stuff, I haven't cracked yet.  I cry all the time though, on the inside and sometimes hiding in the work bathroom cause it's safe there.  Honestly what do I have to do to get people to commit to writing a review.  Hell I can't even convince people to fabricate them and lie about how awesome I am.  My network just isn't that strong apparently.

But, still...  Here it is.  The book that started it all.  Destiny by me.  And you know what, now that I've reached the end of this rant.  This post was supposed to be happy but as soon as i got to thinking about how far I've come, i got derailed and I just rolled with it.  I try not to force things when I type, wherever I go I go.  Makes things way less complicated.  So now that I'm at the end, you know what.  Even if as an accomplished author I'm still exactly in the same place with this book, as I was with the first.  As a writer, shit this book is actually a billion times better than the first one, and so is this one, and this one.  Three books I can be proud that I wrote.  And you know what, I'm planning on going even further.




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