So
I'm single. And this is me. A work in I despise the gym progress.
But i do it anyway. Personally in comparison to all the other guys in
the gym I'm far from even anything moderately close to impressive. The
good thing there is I don't care. The only person who needs to be happy
is me. But that's not what this post is about anyway.
Anyone
who has ever bitched about being single and then had someone tell you
something like, you're too cute to be single. Or you don't smile in a
picture and they're like 'you're too hot not to be smiling'. Oh and my
favourite just being plain old depressed with life, 'you're too
attractive to be sad'. Fuck Fuck and Fuck. What is wrong with people?
It doesn't matter if your short, tall fat, skinny, rich poor or a freakn
muscle god--we are all human and perfectly susceptible to all things
human. Our attractiveness level has nothing to do with it. It has
nothing to do with it the same way money can't buy happiness either.
I"m just so done with people assuming that telling others that they are
beautiful is the end all to be all and suddenly all their real life
problems will melt into the abyss of 'but you're beautiful so you cant
possibly have problems' sea. So please, everyone, for the love of all
things that make sense, and for all the people out there who are tired
of the insensitive morons telling them things like this, just shut the
fuck up.
We
are, again, all human and aesthetics aren't going to magically zap away
problems. This is the real world. So yeah I'm depressed. Bitter
sometimes. And most days I hate myself so much I have to force myself
to be part of the normal breathing human society. The last thing I
need is for someone to point out that I'm just too adorable to be
unhappy or upset. When did the world just up and get filled with
complete and total idiots. The type of people who say 'you think you
got it bad but in this country people have no food'. So, are you going
to walk up to the person with no food and say they think they've got it
bad but four blocks down there's someone with no food and a missing
foot? And then will you say to the person with a missing foot that there's
someone starving missing too arms and no access to clean water. How
long will you try to down play the seriousness of someones anguish in
order to wish away their genuine pain. When do you stop take a step
back and realise that there will always be someone worse off but that
has nothing to do with the person's present problem and it's relative
severity. Again, just get of your insensitive high horse and shut the
fuck up.
That's
the point I"m at now. Where so many things are going on that should
make me sublimely happy yet I'm hiding out in bathrooms, falling asleep
on the job from being mentally exhausted with life. I should have a
certain body type by now that I don't have because well, life keeps
getting in the way. Can't afford to keep up the diet that will make me
happy, not hot shit, just happy with how I eat. Hotness is a nice side
effect but i just want to eat as much of food that i genuinely enjoy it
just happens to be good for me. I hate to my very core my job. I'm
tired of everything really. I just don't want to be me. Two books
floating out there on the internet and no sales, or money in the bank. Stuck on an island with hypocritical assholes. Their latest foray is all of the christian hating on Bermuda carnival, the devils music they say. Clothing too reveling. Too much gyrations. Blah Blah blah. The people come together to get their Soca music groove on, there are no fights, no drunken this, no gun shots fired, just fun and togetherness, and they be bitchn.
That's another post in itself and one of the many reasons I hate this
stupid rock called Bermuda. And I can't leave as yet. I have a musical
that will fail. A Cd with only seven tracks and I can't afford three
more to hit ten but I have no choice but to do it cause I can't have a 7
track Album. That's just ridiculous poor man or not. And some days I
wish I had the time to cry, I don't and not for lack of trying. Life
just gets in the way of that too. And some days I wish I just had
someone to go home to that i could have time to cry on who would just
let me and not bog me down with trying to make it all better until after
I'd finally had my long overdue breakdown. Hopefully he will offer me
cheesecake. It solves all the things.
When
I'm here, as i am a good 8 days a week, I don't need the world telling
me I'm too beautiful to be depressed. Enough with the stupid already.
I'm not stupid enough to think that that's the reason and you saying
that to me is the quickest way to make me not like you so if you're
trying to get naked with me, you just killed your chance, and if you are
trying to date me, hell it's never ever going to happen now. Yeah I'm
like that, and I'm unconcerned with anyone who has a problem with it.
I'd rather die alone depressed and miserable than pander to the stupid
demands of society. I just don't care enough. So I will continue everytime
someone says things like this to me to say, 'what the fuck does that
have to do with anything' and I do not care what your opinion of me is.
That's your issue not mine. I may be far from perfect, but I"m okay
with that. I'm a work in progress, and this work in progress is past
the point of putting up with your bullshit. I just don't care enough
and I have better things to do than explain to you just why what you are
saying is at a level of dumbassness
that even a five year old can comprehend. I am miserable, depressed,
angry, lonely, bitter, and a whole lot of other not so good things, but I
accept this phase in my life, and hope it will pass at some point. But
you? Unless you are coming at me with something that is going to
enhance my existence, no i do not have enough space in my emotional
warehouse to give a fuck that you think I should just shut up and be
happy. I'm not dusting of a shelf for you.
So
hate me, think I'm overreacting, consider me an angry gay black men.
Label me however you want. Just know that I don't care and it will be a
cold day in hell before I allow you the power to control my emotional
state. I"m already fucked up too much to care enough to allow you that
kind of control. So step up and be about something, then maybe I might
dust of a shelf in my warehouse and start to care about you.
Otherwise. Just shut the fuck up.
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